Musings of Madness #5
1. Some people never go crazy, what truly horrible lives they must lead.-Charles Bukowski
2. Have your back aching the entire time while typing in front of the computer (because there is no other way to type on a computer), so your co-author who coaches your editing would feel obliged to comfort your ridiculously every-three-second muscle spasm.
3. Have your co-author ready the abstract of your paper. Create a copy on your computer and let the program count the number of characters and words to achieve the quota. Pretend that you are thinking of ideas too.
4. Occasionally look into your phone for facebook chats.
5. By this time, your co-author should have been halfway through the construction of her sentence. Wait patiently.
6. It helps to open a dictionary app to widen your vocabulary aside from the word bitches. Highlight or place the cursor on the word you wish to restate, right click and choose synonyms. Find the word that suits your need.
7. Side track from the work at hand and let your co-authors order dinner, it is best to arrive at a consensus whether to include two huge sandwiches with a box of fried chicken. Wait patiently for the delivery.
8. Find a superior to proofread your abstract. If the first choice is on vacation, be courageous enough to face possible destructive criticism. Find your second proofreader at the medical ward of the hospital, probably at a VIP room. Give the printed copy of your abstract and insist on finishing it today. It would help that you bring an extra pen to provide his incapacity to bring one.
9. Number eight should have happened two items ago.
10. Do not believe everything the second proofreader has taught you. It is best to copy his edits and rethink of the best outcome. Do not show it again. You’ve gained enough advantage from him. Necessity and needed are the same. For christ’s sake let the old man rest. Your humanity is at question here.
11. While in the middle of this intellectually draining ordeal, stop and decontaminate your hands. It is the single most important way to prevent the spread of infection. Your dinner has arrived.
12. Remember that the site will only allow 30 minutes of inactivity before it automatically logs out. Given that you have eaten fried chicken, fries and a huge sandwich, an hour or so had passed. Resuming your typing is futile. Click save. Error 404. Retype the entire biography after logging in. Serves you right. Do this patiently. Your Korean tour is at stake.
13. Finalize the submission. Take a selfie beforehand. It is the single most important activity before any secondary activity. Post on social media. Tag your co-authors.
14. 13 is an unlucky number. It is best to practice high level fortune obtaining strategy. Cross your fingers and wait for another two months for the result. Ready your surprised reaction. Be optimistic. The crazy world is on your side.
15. Contribute to madness.
The Literary Nomad 